I hate myself and I want to die. The end.

I want you to die, but I want you to love me. It fucking kills me inside because this lust to my brain almost feels like a fucking gun. I don’t want to feel this way and I don’t want to think this way. I want it to fucking stop. I’d rip my heart from my chest if doing so would make it stop, but I doubt it would. I can’t seem to let it go. I can’t seem to let you go. You hurt me so fucking much and you don’t even know it. It’s not your fault. I knew that you would never remember me the way that I remember you. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Lead me not into temptation, lead me not into temptation, lead me not into temptation. Amen.

Today,  I came to the sudden realization that without constant reminding, I may just forget everything and everyone entirely. FML.